Once Upon a Time, Sarah and I were both 100% Hallmark Girls. The peak of our obsessive insanity occurred the night of November 22, 2020. We almost died laughing as we live-tweeted the world premiere of “The Christmas House” and received huge amounts of love, RTs, and humorous replies from Sharon Lawrence (aka Christmas Mom), Treat Williams (RIP, Christmas Dad), Jonathan Bennett, Robert Buckley, and multiple official Hallmark accounts.
God, what fun that was. I wish there had been a way to bottle that joy. A year later Petra died unexpectedly, I went to Egypt, and as soon as I got back I leaped down the sparkly rabbit-hole of K-dramas and re-emerged as the Coffee Princess.
But Sarah never gave up on me. She painstakingly made it through Hallmark’s offerings every December and texted me the best ones. Instead of live tweeting, I would text her back as I was watching. It wasn’t the same, but it was still fun.
By the time I got on the plane back from LA two weeks ago, I was officially Burnt Out. I’ve been able to do little more than sleep (omg so much sleep) and be a complete couch potato. But instead of checking more dramas off my watchlist, I decided to indulge in a bunch of the 2024 Holiday offerings that both Netflix and Sarah had recommended. I kept my expectations low…and I’ve had a ton of fun. I hope you will too.
Now I have to get back to writing pirates. Happy holidays!
xox
Alethea
Hot Frosty - (Netflix) Okay, look. This film was always supposed to be ridiculous. You must go into this expecting it to be a tongue-in-cheek romp live-action remake of the animated Frosty special we all loved as kids. (Or, yes, possibly Olaf fanfic.) When was the last time you actually listened to the song?
As someone who retells fairy tales for a living, I can absolutely appreciate what the writers did for this film. Also I’m glad Disney no longer holds the monopoly on making self-referential jokes calling back to its own universe. I could even stand Lacey Chabert, which is saying a lot. It was fun. I’m glad I enjoyed it.
A Norwegian Christmas - (Hallmark) I love that Hallmark is branching out more into non-American snowy small towns. An overworked PhD candidate has a run-in with a very tall man whose girlfriend seems to be breaking up with him in a coffee shop. She even refuses the Christmas ticket to Norway he bought her. Turns out our heroine has the same name as this ex…and a hand-carved troll doll from the very same small town Tall Guy is from. Literally Everyone finally convinces her to go to Norway with the ticket that has her name on it, and it changes her life. With all the traveling I’ve done this year, this one really resonated with me. Definitely worth a watch.
The Christmas Quest - (Hallmark) This one was…tolerable. It’s set in Iceland (yay) and based on an old fairy tale (yay) but stars Lacey Chabert (ugh) who is a treasure hunter like her mother, but needs her ex-husband to tag along with her on this particular quest. They fall in love again. Okay. But what annoyed me was the most of the actual quest was SHOWN IN A MONTAGE. Did they not have to work for it at all? Where is beautiful Iceland? You’re telling me they have camaraderie, but I just don’t buy it. As Jane Yolen says, a good ending has to be earned.
In my opinion, this should have been a movie about Carlotta, the Icelandic “treasure hunter” who steals Lacey’s notebook, shows up at the museum in The Hottest Dress (that one pearl sleeve is amazing), and ultimately reveals she’s not who they think she is. THAT movie, I would have loved. If you watch this one, be sure it’s with a good friend to snark with.
Our Little Secret - (Netflix) Lindsay Lohan and the best friend she’s had her whole life broke up 10 years ago, only to meet again at a Christmas gathering where they discover the two new people they’re dating are siblings. And Kristin Chenoweth is their mom. I mean, honestly, this one is sweet and worth watching just for the cast.
Merry Gentlemen - (Netflix) Our heroine gets fired from her job dancing on Broadway to return home to her parents’ small town bar that they’re about to lose. Inspired by their hot handyman Chad Michael Murray (his hair also should have received its own credit), the heroine puts together a hunky all-male revue show that brings in enough bucks to save everyone. The movie was fine, but I just wish there had been…more. More about the hard work they did to put on the show (once again it seemed to easy), more about their chemistry (they have very little), and more about the characters in general.
A 90’s Christmas - (Hallmark) A successful but isolated attorney about to make partner is transported back to Christmas 1999. But if she changes anything, she’ll lose her posh new job. And there are lot of things she could fix. Is the future she has worth losing everyone she loves? Again? This one was cute. But it just made me want to watch The 12 Dates of Christmas again, which was way better.
Santa Tell Me - (Hallmark) A little girl asks Santa to introduce her to her soulmate. Many years later, Santa answers to say his name is Nick. Three Nicks immediately appear in this woman’s life. But which one is her soulmate? And how is she supposed to choose by the time the clock strikes 12 on Christmas Eve? Again, the ending came a little too easy, but this one was cute.
